The only kid in the world

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The pain never go away. You cope with it and you learn to accept it. 

I am sorry for everything that caused you pain. And I would do anything to just get the chance to talk to you again and tell you how much I love you. I could've been a better daughter. Sometimes I was angry, rage consumed me from understanding that this was your first life as well, and you making mistakes just means you're human. I learned late how much pain you held in your heart, but you were a man. A true man and a family head, and you suffered just to keep us alive. I hate everyone who made your life harder. I can never forgive them, but you did.
I lost you so early in life, but I needed you still. The only I could do is to assure you in your final days that I will keep the family together and I will provide for them like you did. But I need you, I feel like failing in everything and it's only your advice that I need. Your ethics, your experience, your support. Most of all, your security. I was not as afraid as I am today in all my life. And the hard part is, I find it almost impossible for any man to come and provide this security for me. And if it happens that I find someone, I am so scared and afraid because you're not there to give your blessings. 

And I know that I am not the only kid in this world who lost their father. But I lived my life arrogantly always saying that this could not happen to me. And I was wrong. All sorts of bad things could happen to anyone on anytime. And you should only accept the pain and cope with it.

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