Three Ds

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 Detachment Dissociation Damage

She may be alive, but a small part of her, a distant corner maybe, she's struggling with the three Ds...

She's emotionally detached. She does vibe with people, she makes friendships, she goes out and have fun, she has 38+ chats on her phone each hour... But, she takes a deep breath before she sees a friend, she looks at her phone and feel overwhelmed not able to keep a chat, she cries everyday after a day full of laugher, she can't look at her family or close friends in the face. She can't feel other people like she used to do. But also she does and this leaves her confused. She doesn't know how or why, but it's hard connecting to people, she's not feeling them, she's not interested, she's always preoccupied in her own mind. She's losing people daily. 

She's emotionally dissociating. She doesn't understand people, words are becoming hard to listen to. She has to repeat everything in her mind and picture it to understand it all. She's asking people to repeat themselves often cause she doesn't understand what they're saying. And she knows why. She doesn't want to believe anything. If she believed few, she will get hurt one way or the other, so her mind is blocking everything out. Her mind is refusing to function properly and she's trying to fight it. She's often in her bubble, focusing on life is taking too much effort. All she wants to do is to be more like herself, away...

She's emotionally damaged. Her friends know some of her stories, but she never speaks of her past...Mind me, her past is still a present, but how many really know? She has been emotionally damaged for so long. She knows that her past is not the worst after all, but the damage is done and is being done to her, it's beyond repair perhaps. She's still trying to fix it, she's trying to live normally and experience love, but she knows that this damage keeps blistering her scars. 

But, she's still alive. She listens to the stars everyday, she dares the sun with challenging eyes, she feels the wind as if her life depends on it, she hugs trees and share their energy... She genuinely loves. 

She's a tangled mess of contradictory things. And I want to dedicate this song for Potanda

"Vincent~ Don McLean" 




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