Potanda's Mindverse

When she aimed for the sky, she didn't know that she will be falling hard over and over again before she could actually fly.  She sat in her room with a mind so twisted, not catching a breath. A pain in the heart, a bullet in the brain.  not a bullet of iron or poison, but a thought: why me.  She wondered, it's been a while now, she's asking this question: Why should I live through this? Why was the sky and beyond my deepest desire? and the answer now is clearer. It's freedom. She longed to be free. Freedom was her fantasy. Because, you see, having all the powers in the world would not set you free. Knowing it all will not set you free. Truth can never set you free. To be free is to be careless. But if you care, then you're a prisoner, contained in fear.  And she is never free. She thought that perhaps if she could learn all the spells in the world, then she could free herself. That she can finally break away from the chains that keep her broom grounded. But little ...

I don't know. I don't know life and I don't know myself. Recently every puzzle piece is falling out of place. I want to show you my chaoes. What happens inside of my brain, the tangled strings of emotions in my heart. But I can't. I'm trying not to be this white girl who's hurt from the world for not giving her what she wants. But I'm just a girl who have lost or never gained what the world seems to give a lot of people.  In the past year, I lost a guy, I lost my job, I went through intense exams , I got a second better job, I met a guy , I survived war, I lost my house , I lost a guy (thankful for that) , I lost my father, and I got into a relationship with another guy. But I lost my home and my father. I just can't process that yet. I don't care what happens anymore in the world or in my country . For all I know, the world can burn and I wouldn't care anymore, because losing someone , a parent, changes your perspective on life. Not that you sta...

 365 days in eternity. She had lasted alas! In this spherical existing she called her planet, she was caged, bounded. She was hurt, angry, confused. She was withering. What she used to think as her journey to the sky and beyond, shattered her believes, opened up her scars and let her bleeding. Her blood ran blue. She was a witch, and she was a banshee, and her scream has reached the stars.  These mocking stars, twisting and molding her fate as if she was just a character in the show. Entertainment being for celestial existence.  She just wants to take a break. She just wants to be whatever she can be.

 This is just me. With everything I am, everything I would ever be. I'm not a disappointed potential, and I refuse to be a maybe a "What if". And I was, for many years now. But, drama aside, I don't want it anymore. Within my heart there is love for someone I haven't met yet. And maybe these are romantic delusions from a hopeless romantic soul, but I deserve this type of stories. After all, it's not fair seeing you all moving on with love in your lives. It's not fair to break my heart to mend yours. I hated what you couldn't all be to me. I hated that I was ready to be all for you. But not anymore. For a long time now, I feel free, released. Not dragged down by meaning tragedies. But as now I am free, the hallow shell is cracking to reveal its darkness, purging its way to the world. My ageless voice is humming melodies through life, with life and energy, calling you to come home to me. I deserve you, so fast, come home.