Potanda's Mindverse

 Let's set the scene: As the dark night ascended, she stood in the middle of nowhere with strings surrounding her. All she is now, all she was, and all she could be. Invisible hands are pushing her all around, but she remains in her place, taking the blows. Looking up to the sky. Stars are turning, time is passing, and she feels everything she ever knew about her existence on this planet is a lie. They told her she was supposed to feel safe with her magic. They told her: to get to the sky and beyond, you have to learn spells and prevail in their wisdom. But the more she learns, the more she's been held down by this heavy, breathtaking, suffocating wisdom. Still, she's looking up. It's been 2 years now that she started this journey, but she's not changing, she's slowly fading. What if she was never meant to reach the sky? What if the broom they handed her only flies when she surrenders her spells and follows the dark?  She's barely breathing, she's alread...

The pain never go away. You cope with it and you learn to accept it.  I am sorry for everything that caused you pain. And I would do anything to just get the chance to talk to you again and tell you how much I love you. I could've been a better daughter. Sometimes I was angry, rage consumed me from understanding that this was your first life as well, and you making mistakes just means you're human. I learned late how much pain you held in your heart, but you were a man. A true man and a family head, and you suffered just to keep us alive. I hate everyone who made your life harder. I can never forgive them, but you did. I lost you so early in life, but I needed you still. The only I could do is to assure you in your final days that I will keep the family together and I will provide for them like you did. But I need you, I feel like failing in everything and it's only your advice that I need. Your ethics, your experience, your support. Most of all, your security. I was not as...

When she aimed for the sky, she didn't know that she will be falling hard over and over again before she could actually fly.  She sat in her room with a mind so twisted, not catching a breath. A pain in the heart, a bullet in the brain.  not a bullet of iron or poison, but a thought: why me.  She wondered, it's been a while now, she's asking this question: Why should I live through this? Why was the sky and beyond my deepest desire? And the answer now is clearer. It's freedom. She longed to be free. Freedom was her fantasy. Because, you see, having all the powers in the world would not set you free. Knowing it all will not set you free. Truth can never set you free. To be free is to be careless. But if you care, then you're a prisoner, contained in fear.  And she is never free. She thought that perhaps if she could learn all the spells in the world, then she could free herself. That she can finally break away from the chains that keep her broom grounded. But little ...

I don't know. I don't know life and I don't know myself. Recently every puzzle piece is falling out of place. I want to show you my chaoes. What happens inside of my brain, the tangled strings of emotions in my heart. But I can't. I'm trying not to be in this white girl drama of a chick who's hurt from the world for not giving her what she wants. But I'm just a girl who have lost or never gained what the world seems to give a lot of people.  In the past year, I lost people, I lost my job, I went through intense exams, I survived war, I lost my house , I lost my father. I don't care what happens anymore in the world or in my country. For all I know, the world can burn and I wouldn't care anymore, because losing someone , a parent, changes your perspective on life. Not that you stay depressed all the time, no, but loss is a feeling that shapes what you understand of the world around you. And I have lost a lot. I'm just a girl asking the world not t...